Dances
It's been just over six months since Mom passed away. (For more info on that, see my sister Aimee's blog). The fatal car accident occurred while I was fast asleep in the early hours of a Monday morning in Munich. Soon after waking up I received the news and the emotional roller coaster began. Luckily, I didn't have work that Monday and I was signed up to help clean the church that week. I couldn't just sit in my apartment all day and so I walked to the church and spent the day cleaning, crying, praying, and pondering. It was therapeutic in its own way, especially since Mom always liked having things clean; it was a fitting form of grieving.
That evening I booked my flight for Wednesday back to Salt Lake. I spoke with Aimee about the plans for the funeral and she told me that I was to play a musical number. She felt strongly about this and I did too. The problem was that I didn't have anything in my active repertoire that I felt would be appropriate for the occasion. I decided that I would compose something new.
Now, I am normally a very slow composer. Sometimes it can take a whole week just to get a few seconds of usable music. But I felt good about this and decided I would make it happen.
Rarely does a piece of music just spring out of one's head, however, and so I decided to listen to some classical piano music to find a suitable model that might give me a starting point. I felt a piece with some lightheartedness and bounce was preferable to something mournful and brooding. I found the feel I was looking for in the Chopin waltzes and the Schubert dances. And so that Monday night I started to get the first melodic ideas for the piece.
On Tuesday I had a few things to take care of before leaving for Utah the next day but I devoted as much time as I could to composing and got the body of the song figured out. I still didn't have a name for the piece, however. That evening, as I sat at my keyboard, I had the Schubert book of German dances in front of me. I saw the word "Dances" and realized that it was exactly right for a piano piece about Mom.
On Wednesday I played quickly through what I had done before heading off to the airport. 14 or so hours later I was in Utah with the family.
The next two days were a whirlwind of family and friends and before I knew it it was Friday morning and I was walking up to the podium before a packed crowd at the funeral. I offered some brief thoughts and then performed Dances. It wasn't a perfect performance but I felt Mom was pleased and that was enough.
At the end of the piece there is a moment where the waltz is clipping along happily and then stops rather abruptly before settling on a peacefully cadential chord. My uncle Bret, who sat on the stand during the funeral and could see over the audience, told me later that at when I got to this moment in the piece, a hundred heads suddenly looked up in surprise to see if the piece was really over and then were relieved by the final note.
In this way the piece is a bit biographical for Mom. Her end came suddenly and unexpectedly but it really isn't the end, just a pause. The true end then comes as peace and familiarity, a feeling we all felt strongly during those tragic days in September and many times since. It is an assurance of music yet to come and eternal lives yet to be lived.
Here is the text of my funeral talk:
Mom loves to dance. She loves to watch dancing. She loves to move and be one with the music. In fact, her whole life was full of motion, always busy and anxiously engaged in good causes.
Mom always has a purpose and a goal. Everything she undertakes she does with complete dedication, determination, and commitment. This was true in her life whether she was serving in her church calling, working to bring change and improvement to her community, uplifting and complimenting others, doing her finances, helping to elect good leaders to public office, giving a book presentation for literary club, gathering her food storage, getting an unsightly cellular phone tower relocated, researching her family history, producing a soundtrack CD for her son’s musical, building a parade float, being a friend to those in need, volunteering at the Olympics, making the most of a fun trip, serving in the temple, or trying to line her single son up with girls. She was always busy and always trying to do her best.
In fact, you could say it was almost to a fault. For example, last time I was home for Christmas, as soon as I met her at the airport she started asking how I was doing and how my health was. Before you knew it we were at the baggage claim and she was asking me to show her my gums. That’s where I had to draw the line. But if over-dedication is a fault, then what a fault to have! It’s what made her our Mom.
Of course she showed the greatest dedication in her unceasing efforts to build a great family. Her achievements as a wife and mother dwarf all the other accomplishments and stand as a monument to the greatness of her soul. And the love she gave dazzlingly outshines any shortcoming.
Mom never ceases to share that love and infuses it in her every undertaking. It is no wonder that our Heavenly Father needs her now on the other side of the veil to put her great talents and love to use in serving those who are there and I am sure, those who are here as well. I can think of no better missionary, no better minister, no better friend, and no better advocate to have in getting things done in the great work that goes on by those departed spirits.
Mom’s life was a dance of grace and beauty, a life of perpetual motion of love and goodness until the very end. The music’s changed now for her, but her momentum and energy continues. I love her, I am proud of her, I will miss her, but I look forward to seeing her again someday.
A recording of Dances is now available on iTunes and other online music outlets.
